#AwesomeBoresome (Week ending 31/05/2015)

It’s nearly June. Can you believe that? Just time for me, however, to squeeze in my weekly round up of all the things I’ve been rating and slating in the week just gone – so here, for your reading pleasure viewers, it’s this week’s #AwesomeBoresome…

  • #AWESOME – Aston Merrygold being Back! Back! Back! and single handedly saving pop music

11313183_782649595175773_448809210257232238_o

With Oritsé and Marvin (with his dance production outfit LuvBug) both having broken into the charts with their solo careers in the last year, this week we finally heard the first fruits of labour from the former member of JLS that everyone – certainly their younger fans anyway – had been waiting for. Aston Merrygold has finally re-emerged from an 18 month break and is now no longer ‘the cute backflipping one’ and is now, instead, ‘the one most likely to be the biggest male solo popstar in the UK since Olly Murs’.

And on the basis of ‘Get Stupid’, his – pardon our French – f***ing brilliant debut solo single, he’s argued an extremely strong case for that to happen. Co-written with ex-Alishia’s Attic star Karen Poole (Kylie, Will Young, Sugababes) and Sonny J Mason (the criminally underrated ‘Can’t Stop Moving’ from the X Factor Talk Talk adverts), it’s a mischief making, funk laden and soulful slice of summery pop bubbling with energy that we think will be on course to bring forth the first solo number one of the former deep V-neck advocates.

‘Get Stupid’ is released on 17th July and Aston’s debut album ‘Show Stopper’ follows in October.

  • #AWESOME – Magnum’s luscious new dark side

brownicecream850-302784

With summer just around the corner, the king of all ice creams Magnum has now launched it’s new ‘Pink vs Black’ range for this year following the (truly awesome) silver Marc de Campagne range they had to celebrate it’s 25th birthday last year.

We always thought that was going to be a tough act to follow, and whilst this was indeed proved right with the pink raspberry ripple flavour being too sickly sweet, we tried the dark one this week – Espresso flavour – and can confirm it is absolute heaven on a lolly stick.

  • #BORESOME – Coffee shop etiquette, or lack thereof

costa-04

Right, bit of an odd one this but hear me out. As a (often) solo punter in a coffee shop, is it just me that feels immensely annoyed having to contend with the snotty behaviour of groups of people with regards to seating arrangements? I feel solo punters are unfairly looked upon despite the fact that we are paying customers just the same as everyone else for choosing to sit where we like.

Such was the case when I had coffee out in Costa in Braintree a few weekends ago, and upon deciding to sit on the sofa area, was promptly given looks of disdain by a Cath Kidston clad so-called ‘middle class’ family for electing to sit there, and who then kept turning to their child passive aggressively going ‘Let’s let that man leave his seat first, Jacinta’. Yeah, too right you’re waiting you impatient git jobs.

  • #BORESOME – ‘Love Island’, the unnecessary return of

9568149-large

Easily the most baffling return to ITV’s schedules this summer has been that of ‘Love Island’. Formerly known by its ‘celebrity’ (read: Abi Titmuss and Calum Best starring) counterpart from 10 years ago, its now been resurrected for ITV2 and starts next month.

Even with our beloved Flackers, Ms Caroline Flack hosting, and with supposed ‘normal’ people starring this time, you can almost bet it will be full of the sort of people who are just on it to be famous for absolutely sod all apart from a quick bonk on a paradise resort. Enough.

Advertisements

#AwesomeBoresome (Week ending 17/05/2015)

It’s Sunday, and thus time to tell you what I’ve been rating and ditching this week in what I like to call #AwesomeBoresome…let’s kick things off then…

  • #AWESOME – The Twitter account ‘Things on my Rabbit’

Victoria Beckham has been well known to call fans of her clothing line ‘fashion bunnies’ on her Twitter account for some time now. But this owner of a domesticated rabbit in San Antonio, no less, is taking things one step further with something which, as per ye great laws of animals on the internet, is one part ‘aww’ mixed with ten parts ‘MEGAlolz’.

https://twitter.com/ThingsOnRabbity/status/599865783045496833

https://twitter.com/ThingsOnRabbity/status/599828034645004288

But wait! It gets better:

https://twitter.com/ThingsOnRabbity/status/599782733833969664

https://twitter.com/ThingsOnRabbity/status/599563794860355584

Well done internet. Well done *applauds wildly*

  •  #AWESOME – a (sort of) new S Club 7 song

02

The newly reunited S Clubbers are currently bouncing their way round the arenas of the UK and Ireland on their comeback tour – and are at London’s O2 Arena for a third sold out date tonight – and to celebrate, their 2003 greatest hits album has had a little re-release this week.

On it there’s all new artwork, new liner notes by Jeremy Mark – the band’s official biographer who wrote a lot of their magazines, fanzines etc back in the day in between his duties for the BBC’s tie-in magazine for Saturday morning favourite ‘Live & Kicking’ – and also a BRAND NEW FLIPPIN’ SONG. That’s right.

Well, we say brand new. In the context of having never been released anywhere else before, that is exactly what ‘Rain’ is. Originally recorded and mooted for inclusion on their final album, 2002’s ‘Seeing Double’, it received only a 30 second airing on their TV show and their fan base have volleyed hard for its release ever since. And now their persistence has paid off? All lush instrumentation and soaring lead vocals from Jo and Bradley, it’s like the great lost comeback single we may never get.

  • #BORESOME – Big Brother, the unwelcome return and annoyance of

big-brother-timebomb-2015-live-stream

Urrgh. You’d have thought that since it finished up on Channel 4 five years ago that the insufferable yearly toil of plastic, cannot-believe-you-actually-exist fame hungry idiots locked up in a house in Elstree would be even easier to avoid now it was on Channel 5. That was until the series snored back into being this week and now my timeline is a living hell after 9pm most nights as people continue to Tweet about a show that’s both way past its sell by date and continues to congratulate people for being recognised for absolutely jack all. MAKE IT STOP!

  • #BORESOME: Britney Spears and Iggy Azalea, the awful new single by

britney-spears-iggy-azalea-single-121614

We’re still not quite sure what’s more awful TBH – Iggy ‘As A Leah’ Azalea’s travesty of a ‘collaboration’ with J.Lo last year on a ‘song’ that made Sir Mix-a-Lot look positively feminist by comparison, or on this, her latest offering with Britney. That said, as is often the case with Britney these days, when she very occasionally gets it really right – ‘Womanizer’, ‘I Wanna Go’ etc – it can be a very good thing. ‘Pretty Girls’ is not one of those instances and somehow you really wonder if she’s just better off sticking with the Vegas show of hers for the next 10 years if the music stays this bad.

#AwesomeBoresome (Week ending 10/05/2015)

And a hearty good afternoon to you all! Once again I have been somewhat sporadic as a…sporadic thing. That’s largely because I’ve had a week off this week – more on which to a certain extent in my next blog which (spoiler alert) is a review of a tour – and numerous other shiz has also been g’warning on.

And as it is Sunday, it is time, as always on this here blog, for this week’s look at what I’ve been digging like newly ripe potatoes and what I’ve been binning like gone off milk. Yes, it’s time once again, for #AwesomeBoresome…

  • #AWESOME – Carrie Hope Fletcher’s book ‘All I Know Now’

9200000034188790

Proving that Tom and Giovanna are not the only talented ones in the Fletcher clan, I’ve been reading his little sister Carrie’s debut book this last week and a bit, following on from the success of her YouTube vlogs titled ‘ItsWayPastMyBedtime’. It’s already topped the bestseller lists and having got through three quarters of it (I’m more of a slow reader these days) it’s not hard to see why.

If there’s any teen readers of this blog, or anyone that perhaps still feels like a teen, or maybe even parents reading this with a difficult teenage son/daughter, I’d heartily advise you to go track down ‘All I Know Now’.

Much like a younger, perhaps slightly less clumsy teenage sister of Miranda Hart’s ‘Is It Just Me?’ book, it offers indispensible advice to those awkward moments in life that don’t come with a manual whilst being told with a lot of warmth, wit and surprising pathos.

  • #AWESOME – your new favourite band and mine, Louis York

Louis-York

UK pop lovers of a certain age may vaguely recollect 10 years ago, how Niara Scarlett and Giselle Sommerville – two of the principle writers at the Kent based hitmakers Xenomania (who were behind all 21 of Girls Aloud’s consecutive UK top 10 hits as well as material for Sugababes, Kylie and Franz Ferdinand) – launched their own vanity project Mania, releasing the criminally underrated chart topper that never was ‘Looking for a Place’. Whilst short lived, and perhaps aimed at a very different market to that of Cheryl, Nadine and co, 10 years later history is about to repeat itself.

Claude Kelly is the New York songwriting don who’s worked on material with or for Whitney Houston, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and Christina Aguilera, but in most recent years is the man who has helped turn Olly Murs into UK pop’s best loved male solo star. Three of their collaborations – ‘Please Don’t Let Me Go’, ‘Dance with Me Tonight’ and ‘Troublemaker’ – have all been UK number ones and he has continued to be a part of every album Olly has released since then.

Now with one of his American writing team, Chuck Harmony (who themselves worked on ‘Loud and Clear’ and ‘Head to Toe’ from Olly’s third album ‘Right Place Right Time’) they have formed a new duo called Louis York and their first single, ‘Clair Huxtable’, a sort of anti-promiscuity anthem with a nagging hookline making a passing reference to the strong, matriarchal figurehead of cult sitcom ‘The Cosby Show’ is already gaining a steady following in the States – and it wouldn’t surprise us in the least if that crosses over to the UK by the end of this year.

Calling to mind the smooth, raw soul vibes of Musiq Soulchild with some of the same honest, melodic sensibilities that makes Claude’s work with Olly some of the best in mainstream pop, ‘Clair Huxtable’ is a record you’ll be hard pushed to get out of your head once you’ve heard it.

  • #BORESOME – Hayfever, the start of the season of

I have suffered with hayfever ever since I was a kid. Fortunately, as time’s gone on, I’ve become a bit more adept at learning to cope with it. In my first job about five years ago, my boss at the time was a qualified practitioner of herbal medicine, and recommended I eat local honey purchased from a health food shop during February to counteract the onslaught of pollen that following summer.

20_Hayfever

Even with five years of slightly less dramatic obtaining of the classic symptoms though, this year in particular seems to have been a monumental ballache for me where congested noses, earache and even a sore throat has been concerned, as if it’s developed new, Dalek like powers to levitate. Which means that, pretty though it may look to some, I cannot wait for a few weeks from now when the rapeseed fields surrounding where I live no longer look anything like the above.

  • #BORESOME – Jason Derulo

In a shockingly bad and brief moment of madness whilst I was in my first year at uni in 2010, I purchased the debut album by one Jason Derulo, largely on account of his first single ‘Whatcha Say’, a great single which married turn of the decade synth led R&B with the chorus hook from Imogen Heap’s ‘Hide and Seek’. Much as with when I mistakenly bought Toploader’s ‘Onka’s Big Moka’ c. 2001 (it was in the Woolworths sale, and was on account of THAT cover of ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’. Don’t judge me, please), the rest of the album aside from the single was a complete damp squib.

jason-derulo-wiggle-video

Which begs the question as to why he’s still been allowed to sustain a career on sub standard Usher cast offs like his current single ‘Want to Want Me’, and an absolutely dire live setup that consists of wheezing his way through the set, attempting some ill executed break dancing before ripping off his vest? There’s thousands of acts doing mainstream R&B music justice these days. For all his pecs and teeth, Jason quite simply isn’t one of them.

#AwesomeBoresome (Week ending 19/04/2015)

Apologies for being slightly late to the #AwesomeBoresome-ness this week. Blame this on the fact that I am currently fending off a sore throat and thus have the energy and attention span of a fruit fly.

Being slightly ill isn’t one of my #Boresomes though, but there are a couple of things that are. So after last week’s crayoning and weather inaccuracies, let’s see what I’ve been digging and ditching this week just gone…

  • #AWESOME – Olly Murs and Caroline Flack returning to ‘The X Factor’

olly-murs-and-caroline-flack-magic-fm

It’s fair to say I have always been a big old romantic at heart. This creates a few problems more often than not, in that, in real life and outside of this, I love seeing a beautiful partnership blossoming and developing into a ‘will-they-won’t-they-and-God-damn-it-they’re-so-cute’ type situation, and I become rather like Davina McCall when romance blossomed on the second series of ‘Big Brother’ between Helen and Paul (‘I LOVE YOU PAUL CLAAAARRKE!’ Who could forget? – I digress).

Step forward Ross and Rachel in Friends, Miranda and Gary in er, Miranda, and also step forward Carolly, or as they’re more commonly known outside of a group of flouncing Tumblr based shipping nerds, Olly Murs and Caroline Flack.

Even though it’s been the worst kept secret for like a fortnight since Dermot O’Leary announced his hug giving, head patting and Louis Walsh ribbing duties were to be no more on ‘The X Factor’, the rumours have finally been confirmed as true this week that after a two year break, the most beautiful telly partnership will be back for the show’s 12th series this autumn – this time, graduating from ITV2 to hosting the main ITV show.

Which hopefully means we will once again see the return of moments like this:

tumblr_mghh12KzQP1rul426o1_500

And this:

tumblr_static_tumblr_mej29ujv7c1qd9i2mo1_500

Oh and this:

82ab60d0-d535-11e4-a687-b18a7f9a7b53_CAROLINE-AND-OLLY

THEYREJUSTSOFREAKINGCUTESASHERHFHSDFHWHEBSHBHASDFGHJKL.

 

  • #AWESOME – Pringles forming a supergroup with Doritos (kinda)

It’s pretty much common knowledge that the king and queen of all moreish, crisp based snacks are Pringles and Doritos. So it was only a matter of time, we naturally wondered, before someone would combine the two, wasn’t it?

kelloggs+pringles

Well, as you can see above, that time, my friends, is now. Pringles Tortillas have been going for about a year in America and have now finally come to the UK – they’re in Tesco at the moment but we haven’t seen them anywhere else.

We gave two of the tubs a try last week – Original and Sour Cream – and let’s put it this way. If this takes off as well as it has across the pond, this is going to be crisps what McBusted merging was to pop music, they are that good. Yum.

 

  • #BORESOME – Apple Watch, The completely unnecessary launch of the

It’s true to say Apple’s been at the forefront of some of the most cutting edge and impressive technology in the last two decades. The iPod for instance: literally very good. The MacBook: also quite good (we are writing this on a HP netbook but that’s besides the point). Very occasionally though, they take complete leave of their senses and launch some complete and utter crap.

applewatch

You know there comes a point when even the most insane gadget loon holds their hands up and says ‘Hang on a minute, all I need my watch to do is tell me the time. That is, after all, what it is there for’. Having a hi-tech watch filled with gadgets and apps is fine if you’re James Bond or someone with more money than sense. Anyone else is either a fashion victim or a pillock. Or both. Hopefully this will tank thus before we all become mini versions of will.I.am.

  • #BORESOME – ‘Ninja Warrior’

uktv-ninja-warrior-11

ITV has launched more than a fair amount of Saturday night primetime turkeys in recent years. ‘Stepping Out’. ‘Red or Black?’. That awful ‘Stars in their Eyes’ revival with Harry Hill (and which has now been axed, thus meaning we’ll never get to apply to go on as Tom Fletcher. Damn you Harry). ‘The Nation’s Favourite Dish’.

And now joining that list is a show that’s basically the so-OTT-it-was-awesome ‘Gladiators’, without the spandex outfits or giant cotton bud things they used to batter the crap out of each other with. Basically, a not very good ‘Gladiators’ for the 2010s. Not even our beloved Rochelle Humes hosting on this can save this utter travesty of  a show and it’ll be lucky if it gets renewed.