Now, it’s a bit of a rule of thumb that if an episode of Derry Girls opens on a panning shot of the school badge for Our Lady Immaculate College, then that usually means one of two things; an assembly of some description, or an assembly where Jenny Joyce is singing.
It is with this expectation that we open this week’s episode, and find Jenny and Aisling making pink Stetson hats a thing before Claire Richards from Steps ever did, singing a self-written Country and Western song about… God.
You can imagine of course, how the gang – and Sister Michael – are reacting to this…
What you might not imagine is what goes down in Sister Michael’s office immediately after the assembly…
But that’s not the issue. See, Erin is absolutely convinced that they wrote a very similar song whilst on the last Friends Across the Barricade retreat with Father Peter. Jenny’s down right plagiarized them. But before any lawsuit for copyright can be filed, Sister Michael gets a call. Her aunt’s passed away.
The gang (but mostly Erin) give their condolences, before asking if there’s anything they can do to help at this difficult time (not too subtly in Michelle’s case, for which it will become apparent later on). Sister Michael then tells them that her Aunt’s house in Donegal will indeed need clearing out.
James is handed the keys to the school camper van, and the gang immediately begin planning a night with a free house to themselves over the border where – and this is where it’s apparent why Michelle was pushing so hard to, er, help – they can find some hot farmers that are total rides. They’ll also find a lesbian farmer for Clare. They’re a big thing in Donegal.
Over at the Quinn household this week, death is very much also on the mind of both Ma Mary and Aunt Sarah, namely that of their mammy’s, who passed away ten years ago. And it’s on Granda Joe’s mind too – he wants to know where she put his electric razor after all.
Ma Mary then suggests they go see a psychic, who might be able to connect them to the afterlife; after all, Bridget Gallagher went and saw one recently. Although Aunt Sarah is wary – the last time she saw one she was haunted by spirits left, right and centre – including one lad from the American Air Force who just wouldn’t leave her alone.
The Our Lady Immaculate College camper van loaded up to the gunnels with booze and supplies, the gang get to the checkpoint at the border to Donegal. When they clock that James is English, Michelle has to reassure the soldiers that they’re not taking him over the border to torture him. In fact, Orla helpfully explains why they’re there a bit more…
Over the border, and a little bit lost with the old navigation, James decides to ask for help from a nearby local…
He really can’t catch a break; in trouble if he’s Irish or English, and can’t speak a word of Gaelic himself. Michelle says that his crowd had a good stab at forcing the world to speak English, but that didn’t work out. Clare then dissects part of her UCAS form, saying she only took French and German so it would give her more options if she decided to study abroad.
The crazy old lady rambles something in Gaelic that sounds, in the words of the gang, a bit devil-y, so they head on up the road towards what they suspect is Sister Michael’s aunt’s house. Although they don’t get very far, when suddenly one of the tyres is punctured. James gets out to see if he can try and remove it, only to realise the van isn’t in stationary and is very much rolling back down the road they’ve just driven up. He yells to Michelle to put the hand brake on – which she eventually does. But not before he’s knocked unconscious by the van rolling backwards.
Horrified, the gang – carrying a now unresponsive James – abandon the van and walk up to the house, where Sister Michael has told them that the keys are under a plant pot. Although which one of the dozen or so out in the front yard isn’t clear, which of course leads Clare to have what is quite possibly her biggest freak out of the series thus far…
It is Orla who eventually finds the key whilst Clare is having a meltdown. But it’s then that they get inside and discover Sister Michael’s aunt is not only very much not at home, but it looks like no one’s been home for years. And the phone that Clare’s attempting to dial for help has been disconnected.
It’s at this point that James finally comes round. Orla asks him how many fingers she’s holding up, just to make sure he’s not suffering from head trauma. James says none. He’s correct. He says that he saw a tunnel, saying to walk towards the light. The rest of the gang, ignoring his near death experience, head to the kitchen for some snacks. All they can find is cold broth. Broth is soup, and soup is broth, says Clare. Erin’s not touching it on account of broth being used to poison people in a horror movie.
They then happen upon an old press cutting of what appears to be Sister Michael’s Aunt Annie, and her late husband Robert. James is a little shaken by this. He walked towards the light. Michelle tells him to shut up about his near death experience – just as a thunderstorm commences.
As darkness descends, back in Derry, the Quinns are heading off for an appointment with a psychic; the mysterious Carlos Santini (guest star Conleth Hill), who says that he is there because he has a gift to connect with people no longer here.
They know that, Da Gerry tells him. They’ve not just rocked up here for the Chocolate Kimberleys. After grudgingly crossing Carlos’ palm with silver, the seance begins. And Aunt Sarah’s American Air Force lad is briefly summoned back before she commands him away. And they’re just about connecting with Mammy, before a voice yells out for Kevin.
She wants to know where her green scarf is, and she’s going to be late for bingo. At which point it becomes apparent that Carlos Santini is nothing of the sort, and is in actual fact Kevin from a couple of streets along in a green scarf. With the connection interrupted (to Ma Mary’s sadness), and Da Gerry conned enough, they leave. Taking the Chocolate Kimberleys with them.
Back over in Donegal, and the gang, huddled together in fear in the same bedroom, are all going slowly mad as they suspect that Annie and Robert’s ghosts are haunting them…
The gang vow to stay awake and vigilant all night for any possible spirits. Cut to the next morning, and they’ve all been sound asleep for a good few hours. Erin takes herself downstairs before the rest of the gang wakes up – followed a few minutes later by James…
With Erin and James’ brief romantic liaison quickly brushed aside, the gang panic as they see what happens to be the spirit of Robert advancing towards the house and breaking down the door…
Meanwhile, a DeLorean rattles down the road towards the house, with Sister Michael inside. The crazy lady from the night before is then revealed to be, well. We’ll let her do the explaining…
An absolutely furious Robert – who is actually Declan, the nephew of the late Robert, is being held captive by the gang – who think he’s quite solid for a ghost. But not before Sister Michael bursts in and demands to know what in the name of the risen Jesus they are doing here, and not further up the road at her late Aunt Maura’s house, which she needs cleared for her wake this afternoon.
Declan, who has had quite enough of being burgled and kidnapped, threatens to ring the border guards, before Sister Michael talks him down…
The gang are ushered out and over to Aunt Maura’s in disgrace for an emergency cleanup operation. But not before Erin tells James that maybe, Michelle is right about them…
Still, the episode does end happily for Granda Joe, who at long lasts finds his electric razor under the kitchen sink. We teared up at “Thank you, love”, yes. Next week: a trip back in time…
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